T - Think Of Or Do Something That Makes You Smile

T - Think Of Or Do Something That Makes You Smile

We have arrived at the final letter of our YOUCANDOIT journey.  In general, the "T" stands for thinking of something that makes you at least smile.  If it makes you laugh, that's even better :)  For my walking friends "T" stands for "touch the fence......or not"  because the fence makes us laugh.  Let me explain.

Toward the end of our 4 mile walk we head down a street that is blocked at the end by a fence.  This street is the hardest of all for 2 reasons: 1) it's at the end of the walk and 2) if the wind is blowing it can be a real challenge.  There is an open field on the other side of the fence so nothing blocks the wind and it can feel like you are swimming upstream.

One cold and stormy day I was walking by myself and feeling a little overwhelmed and weighed down not only by the weather, but also by the drastic changes that had occurred in my life over the last year.  I had 2 children that left to serve missions for our church, one in Russia, the other in Korea.  My oldest 2 children got married within 12 days of each other in the spring.  Another one went away to college.  That's 5 out of my 6 children that flew the coop within an 8 month period.  Then in October, my father passed away from cancer.  This particular day I was short on time and would have been justified in going home early, but I started thinking about the fence on the next street over and decided I couldn't skip it because the thought of it was already brightening my day and making me smile inside!

This fence I keep mentioning has become a symbolic finish line and a regular dose of laughter.  Why would a fence make you smile you ask?  Well some of us have gotten a little obsessed with the need to touch it.  We have even been known to climb over big snow banks just to touch that fence!  I'm not exactly sure what it proves, but for some of us the walk doesn't count unless you actually touch the fence.  So imagine our dismay when some of our walking buddies refuse to touch the fence!  How in the world can you walk down the street and NOT touch it?  There are 2 who absolutely refuse.  One of them will actually put her hand out getting within inches, but not all the way,  just to prove she doesn't have to touch it!  The other one has the cutest little twin boys that I adore, but she doesn't touch the fence either and wants to protect her boys from the craziness.  I may or may not have, on occasion, offered to push the stroller to relieve my friend of the burden while going down such a windy street.  Can I help it if the stroller gets close enough to the fence that the buddies can touch it? :) Now they will put their hands out to touch it as we get close -- much to the chagrin of their mother. :) We have ended many a walk giggling about our obsessive need to touch the fence.......or not.

As I reflect on the day that I was alone and struggling, I realize that even though I couldn't laugh, I found that I also couldn't resist smiling all the way into my soul as I thought about our trivial debate of whether to touch the fence......or not.  They say that laughter is the best medicine, but I say smiling to yourself has some pretty potent healing powers too.

I assume everyone has a memory or two of laughing until you wanted to cry.  When you are feeling low and it's hard to get up and do much, let those memories come to the surface and at least smile at them.  I know from personal experience that doing that can brighten your day and bring a sense of joy and JOY is what we are after!

P.S. - Tragedy is striking!!  They are going to tear down our fence sometime in the near future as they build houses in that field :(  May the memory live on!!!

I - Inspire - Listen to or Read Something Inspiring Everyday

I - Inspire - Listen to or Read Something Inspiring Everyday

Well it's taken me a while to write this post and I'm afraid it's going to be fairly short because I started reading Les Miserables and I can't seem to put it down long enough to do much else.  My advice to read something inspiring daily doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do it at the expense of everything else, but sometimes I get so caught up in a book that it's hard to think about other things.

The important thing is that you look for inspiring things to motivate you to see the good in the world. When we see the positive it's easier to want to accomplish something good.  One of my friends has a book with uplifting quotes that they read from each day as a family or they watch uplifting youtube videos. Another one often posts great quotes on Facebook like this one.

Another friend that I greatly admire has a Facebook page that focuses on looking for the good in life.  Despite major challenges that she faces she always looks for the positive.  What an example of taking the lemons of life and turning them into a sweet lemonade!!

The scriptures are full of wisdom and a great place to find peace and motivation.  We often discuss the lessons we have learn from their pages as we are walking.

We also enjoy music.  A couple are real singers and accomplished musicians.  I'm really good at listening and enjoying music :)  Music has great power over our emotions.  I get motivated to do my best cleaning while listening to 80's rock, but when I need to be uplifted there's nothing better than a great music video with beautiful scenery.  When my children were little some of them regularly had bad dreams so I put a CD player next to their beds and softly played their favorite music as they fell asleep.  This seemed to help relax them and they slept better.

Everyone is inspired by different things.  Find what lifts your spirits and take in a daily dose!

Now back to my book :)

O - Outside Every Day

O - Outside Every Day

Going outside every day seems like a pretty simple step to take in the journey toward joy.  It only gets  slightly difficult when it is pouring rain or snowing like crazy.  We have been told we are completely out of our minds when we are found walking in less than ideal conditions, but we smile and say, "Yes, we know we are insane."  Being crazy doesn't seem to bother or stop us, rather it has taught us that we can endure bitter storms.  It's hardest when I have had to walk alone and I have to confess that I have occasionally cut the walk short when left unaccompanied.

In the early years of walking our children to school, I learned how to appreciate the joy of being outside.  After the chaotic morning of getting the children ready to leave the house, we would walk toward school picking up our walking partners along the way.  We would share our frustrations of the morning as we walked.  One of my friends started saying, "This is my favorite time of the day" as she would look up at the sun coming over the mountains.  It was so refreshing to be around such a positive attitude.  No matter how difficult it was to get out the door, and with twins I know it wasn't easy to do, she always found joy in the emerging sunlight.

Sometimes the sun can't be seen, but there is always something good to find outside.  We have admired the geese as they head south for the winter, marveled at the size of beautiful snowflakes, been warmed by memories of the sun as we face bitter winds, and have waited with great anticipation for the budding of the flowers and trees.    It doesn't matter what the weather is, there is always evidence of God's hand all around us.  All we have to do is open our eyes and our hearts to receive His gifts.  Recognizing the miracles of nature all around us is balm to the soul.

Go outside and feel God's love!

D - Don't Forget You Can Do Hard Things

D - Don't Forget You Can Do Hard Things

This week I have been deeply touched by the many people I have witnessed doing REALLY hard things.  I don't think it's coincidence that this topic is the next one on my list of YOUCANDOIT steps to joy.  Each person I have come in contact with that has been dealing with a difficult issue has been doing so with such faith and hope.  They are great examples to me of doing hard things without losing sight of the big picture.

In the last 6 months alone, I have watched a dear friend dealing with having to receive a kidney transplant in the near future; a few others are either going through a divorce, just finalized a divorce, or on the brink of divorce; friends are struggling to balance home, work, school and church obligations; another just had a second surgery in about a 4 month period; death, infidelity, sickness from pregnancy, and a niece at the side of her husband who is fighting cancer (they are the parents of 4 amazing children, 3 of which are triplets).  What an inspiration they all are as they do these HARD things!!

How do you watch people around you doing extremely hard things without feeling guilty about thinking your problems are hard?  Satan would love nothing more than for us to compare our difficulties with each other because by so doing, we tend to put ourselves down.  We say to ourselves things like, "I don't suffer as gracefully as _______," or on the other extreme, "______ has a much easier life than I do."   Rather than feeling bad about ourselves I would suggest that we should learn from each other.  It would be much more productive to say: "I hope that I can learn to be as positive and smile like _______," or "I'm  happy for ______ because they seem to be having a break from major trials at the moment."

The fact is, no one leaves this life saying, "well, that was easy!"

Remember: just because it's hard doesn't mean you're doing something wrong, nor does it have to be someone's fault; it's just how life is.  We all have personal mountains to climb.   There are some challenges that we bring on ourselves because we have agency, and sometimes we make bad choices.  Other trials are just a part of living.  The point is, we can't and won't avoid all difficulties.  So when you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I can do hard things!"  You've done them before, so remember past experiences and use the lessons learned from them to make today even better.

Not one of my friends or family members facing these gigantic challenges is looking to be anyone's hero; they didn't ask to have to be an example of enduring.  Each day, they get up and just do their best with some days turning out better than others.  Sometimes I'm sure they don't see themselves as enduring well, but they just keep moving forward, taking one step at a time.  There are times when I personally have felt like the little engine trying to get up the mountain pulling a heavy load, saying to myself, "I think I can, I think I can."

When we are feeling overwhelmed with the burdens that either we carry ourselves or someone we love is carrying, here are some principles to keep in mind: no one can take away your personal challenges from you, but we can support and love each other through this difficult journey called life.  Be kind to each other because you may not know the heartaches someone else is suffering.  As you are helping others, your own burdens seem to lighten, and don't forget that it's ok to let others help lift you.  Let's be each other's cheerleaders!  We need each other!

REMEMBER YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!

N - Nice - Just Be Nice

N - Nice - Just Be Nice

"N" is the next letter of the "YOUCANDOIT" acronym for our pathway to joy.  It stands for "nice" and sounds so simple, but sometimes it's REALLY hard to do.  My mother must have told me a million times to be nice when I was a little girl, (especially to my little sisters) and that advice is still what I need to hear sometimes.  You would think that as an adult you would grow out of the need to be told to be nice.  However,  I have realized I need reminding.  It's easy to be nice to those that are nice back.  The challenge comes in being kind to those that drive you crazy or to those that you don't think deserve it.

When I find myself angry at someone - whether it be family member, friend, or foe - I now say in my head, "what is something nice I can do?"  Doing something nice for that person has helped me feel better about them.  It may not fix the problem we have, but it softens my heart.  I can't change how they think or feel, but I can change how I feel which happens every time I do something nice.  It's amazing!

I was able to really put this into practice one day when I was volunteering for a marathon in our city.  My husband arranged for us to have a DJ at our aid station to help motivate the runners, as he runs several marathons a year and understands what helps lift their spirits, especially at about mile 21.  He had previously talked to the occupants of the homes where we were setting up the aid station and got permission to use their power outlets and made sure they were ok with the plans.  I'm not a runner so I was in charge of the aid station the morning of the race.  The DJ set up the music and we were all ready for when the first runner came down the street.  Since our aid station was in the last 1/3 of the race, it was after 8:00 AM before the first runner (a half-marathoner) came by.  As we saw the runner coming down the street the DJ blasted the theme music from the movie "Rocky".  It was AWESOME!!  You can't help but get pumped up when you hear that song!  After a few minutes there was a pretty steady stream of runners for the rest of the morning.

We were all having a great time handing out water & Gatorade when all of a sudden the couple from the next house down came out and started yelling at us for making such noise on a Saturday morning.  I don't know how they didn't know about the marathon because there had been signs out warning people about it for days, but they were not happy at all.  One of my friends went to talk to them, but to no avail.  They ended up calling the police a couple different times throughout the morning because they were so put out by all the commotion.  When the police didn't stop us, the couple came out and stood next to where the runners were passing by and started smoking.  Another time they got in their car and drove away, but on their way down the street they almost hit some of the volunteers.  They didn't even try to miss.  The kids had to jump out of the way of the moving car.  It was ridiculous.  Things like that went on for about 4 hours.  By the end, I had about had it with these people!  We were definitely in the right and they were nothing but immature!! At least that's how I saw it.

As I recounted the story to my husband, the people in charge of all the aid stations, and anyone else who would listen, I felt my feelings toward these people really become bitter and I wondered what we could do to make them see how ridiculous they were being.  Then it happened.  The words "just be nice" came into my head and I had to really try not to push them away.  I started wondering what I could do that would be nice and not vengeful.  The more I thought about it the kinder my options became until I finally decided on a plan of action, but it had to happen quickly or I would talk myself out of it.  I ended up going to a local theater to buy gift cards and delivered one to each of the houses that we imposed on.  The bitter couple wasn't home when I went, but my husband took it later and said he had a pretty good talk with them.  They seemed to soften up a little when he gave them the card.

The important thing isn't whether they ever saw their part in this episode, whether they like me or not or ever apologize. The thing I learned was that now every time I look back on that day I have to smile as I think about going to the theater to buy the gift cards.  I remember how it felt to think about how they might react to receive a gift card.  I didn't actually get to see their reaction, but I like to imagine what it might have been.  Maybe it's better in my imagination :)

Being nice softens our own heart and I believe that's a huge step toward joy!

A - Act instead of reacting - resist becoming a martyr or victim

A - Act instead of reacting - resist becoming a martyr or victim

We have come to the "A" in our acronym YOUCANDOIT.  Along with standing for "act",  it could also represent "agency".  Using our agency for good has been a key component to finding joy since the beginning of time.  We become subject to others when we relinquish or give up our ability to act for ourselves and find that we have become the victims of our circumstances.  If we want to remain free to choose for ourselves we need to act according to the dictates of our own conscience.

I began my conscious journey to joy more than 10 years ago after having the experience that I explained in the "Y" post.  For the next couple months the desire to do something "rebellious" kept growing.  I'm not sure if it was really rebellion I was looking for or just the need to do something "wild" that was all about me.  One day while we were walking the perfect idea was born.  It was time for me to get my ears pierced!!! Not only was I going to take a walk on the wild side, but a new walking buddy decided to climb aboard the crazy train with me. We piled into my friend's van and headed to the local mall where our posse paraded to the Piercing Pagoda.  Five adult women with three children in tow.  From the look on her bedazzled face, the employee who was working that morning had not anticipated such a colorful crowd. :)

There we were, ready and anxious to get those holes punched into our otherwise plain earlobes.  I had always been proud of the fact that I didn't have my ears pierced, but at that moment I couldn't wait to change that.  It's a good thing I hadn't done it before because I'm not sure what I would've chosen to do as an act of independence otherwise. You would've thought we were a couple of young kids sneaking out of the house on a school night trying to prove our independence.  Piercing your ears just before your 39th birthday may not really sound like a great liberating move, but you'd be surprised at how freeing it really was.

When deciding what actions to take, it's important to differenciate between temporary pleasure and lasting joy.  Avoid making choices that go against your values and any covenants you have already made.  Joy comes from being true to yourself and the good choices that you have built your life on.  When faced with choices I often remind myself "just because you can doesn't necessarily mean you should", but if it isn't going to hurt anyone and if it will bring sunshine to your soul, I say, "Go for it!" 

C - Create a Trustworthy Support System

C - Create a Trustworthy Support System

Another step in our journey toward joy is "create a trustworthy support system".  Everyone needs friends, no one needs to go through this journey of life, and the trials that come with it, alone.  To illustrate this concept I'm going to use the examples of Joseph Smith and Jesus Christ.  There may be some reading this blog who have never heard of Joseph Smith or have heard of him, but don't believe in his message.  That's ok.  Either way, the concepts apply.

Joseph Smith lived in the 1800's and was persecuted all of his life for claiming that he had seen a vision of God the Father and Jesus Christ.  His family always believed him and stood by his side.   His brother Hyrum was especially supportive of him.  They were best of friends - inseparable in life and death.  Joseph also had some very dedicated friends that stuck with him through thick and thin.

I had a light bulb moment this summer as we visited some jails that Joseph had been incarcerated in.  It occurred to me that he was never imprisoned alone.  Every time he was thrown in jail (even though he was innocent each time) he had friends there to support him, including his brother.  I have visited these places countless times in my life, but this time it hit me like a rock - we don't have to endure alone!

My thoughts then turned to the Savior.  He had his disciples with him through his ministry and even in the Garden of Gethsemane, angels were sent to comfort him.  We don't have to do it alone!!  We have angels all around us, whether seen or unseen, who are placed in our life to help us through our journey.  They can't take our burdens away, but they can comfort us and give us strength so we can carry on.

We can learn a lot from these examples, but the thing that I want to focus on is the fact that there are people who believe in our ability to succeed and sometimes we need to let their support strengthen us in order to accomplish what we are asked to do.

A couple of my walking friends were cheerleaders in high school and I think that is one of their callings for life.  On many occasions I have relied on their enthusiasm and love of life to cheer me on.  Each one of my friends has gifts that I have needed at different times.  During my ups and downs I have relied on the fact that they believe in me and that has given me the motivation to keep moving forward.  Knowing someone believes in you makes hope grow and hope is a key to joy.

U - Understand and Accept your Own Strengths and Weaknesses

U - Understand and Accept your Own Strengths and Weaknesses

We've briefly been through steps Y (yield your heart and will to God) and O (opportunities to serve/brighten someone's day) on our journey toward joy.  Next is the U which stands for understanding and accepting your own strengths and weaknesses.  When I was first putting this together I just had understanding them, but I decided to add the word accepting because we forget that part sometimes.  We can't build on the good until we know exactly what we're dealing with.

In my previous "Y" post I explained about my experience with my friend helping me see who I am in God's eyes.  Well, here's the rest of that story.

A couple days after that walk, my family went to a camp up in the mountains with a group of dear friends.  During the few days we had there we went to a class that focused on the book "The Color Code" by Taylor Hartman.  They had us do a personality test to figure out what color we are.  The colors tell you what motivates you: red is motivated by power - they like to be in control, blue is motivated by intimacy - they like strong relationships, white is motivated by peace - they avoid conflict at all costs, and yellow is motivated by fun - they love life and just want to have fun.

Anyway, the timing of that class couldn't have been any better!!  I took the test and found that I am almost completely white.  It explained SO much!!  As the teacher went through the strengths and weaknesses of the white personality it described me to a tee.  In fact, some of the words he used were the exact words my friend had used just a few days before.  It was a confirmation to me that what my friend had said was true.  I was so excited to continue learning about ME.  The miracle with this experience was, I didn't get discouraged reading about my weaknesses.  I could accept them because right along with them were a bunch of strengths.  The thing the teacher said that made the biggest difference for me was that ALL the colors are good.  There isn't one that is better than another.  For the first time in my life I believed that. I saw and truly accepted that I had something to offer.

Between the walk and that class I had just experienced a complete turning point in my life.  At the time I didn't realize how important it was, but now, ten years later I can see what a huge impact that had on me.

There are many different kinds of personality tests and I've taken most of them just to try to understand myself better.  It doesn't matter how you figure out your strengths and weaknesses, but I believe that it's important that you do somehow.  Everyone is born with gifts and with challenges.  Unfortunately, I think sometimes we compare ourselves to others and want to be the best of everyone around us, but we see in ourselves only our weaknesses.  It's much easier to serve when you understand what it is you have to give.  We can't truly love our neighbor until we love ourself.

Your joy will increase as your love for yourself grows!!

O - Opportunities to Serve/Brighten Someone's Day

O - Opportunities to Serve/Brighten Someone's Day

One of the surest ways of finding joy is to get outside yourself and do something to brighten someone's day.  You don't have to do something big and it doesn't have to take a lot of time, but thinking about how you can lighten someone else's load can ease your own burdens.

The year I turned forty was an especially difficult year.  I was in the process of climbing out of my depression pit, but the fact that I was turning forty didn't help.  My poor husband tried hard to do something nice and thoughtful for me to celebrate such a milestone (which I happen to hit before he did and that didn't help either), but his efforts backfired and I didn't respond well. All I could think about was "poor me - I'm an old lady now!"  I dreaded that birthday more than I have ever dreaded anything in my life.  I managed to make it through the day without withering away - barely - and to my amazement the day after my birthday was totally fine.

Since then I have learned that difficult times are made easier when I'm not thinking so much about myself.  This year as I anticipate turning fifty I decided I need prevent a repeat of that disastrous birthday.  For some reason fifty hasn't seemed quite as bad as forty and I'm in a much better place mentally than I was, so the chance of success is increased.  As I thought about what I wanted to do to celebrate my birthday I remembered how a friend of mine last year announced on Facebook that she was going to do an act of service for every year (she was turning 49 so she wanted to do 49 acts of service for her birthday).  What a great example!!  I don't want to copy her exactly, but I want to use the same principle of service.  So, for my big 50 birthday, I'm going to make 50 blankets to donate somewhere.  I haven't figured out exactly who I'm giving them to, but I found a great sale on fleece right after Christmas and I'm going to spend several months cutting and tying blankets.  Instead of dreading my birthday, I'm really excited about it!

I don't tell you this to toot my own horn, or pat myself on the back.  I just wanted to share an example of how thinking about others has helped me face the challenge of getting older.  A more practical example would be when you go to the grocery store smile at someone specific.  A smile doesn't cost any money and is very contagious.  Another example is, the other day I was at Target with my son and he suggested we put a dollar into a piggy bank so when someone buys it they will get a surprise.  I didn't have a dollar with me, but I plan on going back to do that.  I loved the idea! The options are endless! I would love you to share some things you have done to make somebody else's day.

I promise that as you think of ways to make someone smile it will make you smile!!

Y - Yield Your Will and Heart to God

Y - Yield Your Will and Heart to God

In order to yield your will and heart to God you must first believe there is one.  God knows what it takes for us to be happy, so if we follow His map we will reach that desired destination.  I have always believed that to be true and as I was raising my six small children I was trying to do all the things I was told would bring me joy, yet I found myself having a hard time feeling it.  I kept looking for a magic bullet that would all of a sudden fill me with never-ending happiness.  The harder I tried the less hope I seemed to find.  As I sank deeper and deeper into the abyss I had to hold onto the two things I couldn't deny - first, the fact that I know there is a God and second, I had to REMEMBER that I had felt joy in the past which meant it had to be possible to feel it again.

Getting out of bed had become extremely difficult and I don't think I would have gotten up most days if it hadn't been for the fact that I had six children that depended on me and I had a friend who expected me to go walking with her every morning. Family and friends - what great blessings!!!

As we were walking on a particularly difficult day I told my friend that I just couldn't do it anymore.  (How many times do we tell ourselves that? - Too many!!)  I felt like I was at the end of my rope and I was having a really hard time hanging on.  As I described to her how I saw myself and my situation, a miracle happened.  She started telling me how she saw me.  We had been walking for about a year so she knew me fairly well and was able to paint a picture of me that I had never seen before.

The miracle was that as she spoke there was a voice in my head which told me that what she was saying was true.  What I heard was, "The Meg that she is describing is the Meg that I created and love."  It was amazing because I wanted to shout, "well I can BE that Meg."  All of a sudden I knew that my biggest problem was that I was trying to be somebody else and that was the root cause of my depression.  There was no doubt in my mind at that moment that God knew who I was and loves me just the way I am because He made me that way.  My spirit had renewed hope and a determination to be the best Meg I could be.

That day was a game changer for me.  My challenges didn't go away, but I could now face them with a knowledge that God had confidence in me.  If it was God's will that I should be who I am, then I knew I could do it.  I wanted to be the Meg God wanted me to be, not who I imagined everyone else thought I should be.  That was doable! What a relief!!

How does this relate to yielding your heart and will to God? I think it is vital to believe that there is a power greater than ourselves.  If there isn't, what would all this craziness called the world be for? It's much more comforting to know that there is someone out there who knows you better than you even know yourself.  You can trust Him because He created you and will guide you through all life's challenges.  He wants you to be happy and have joy, so He will help you find it.  We just have to be willing to trust Him with our whole heart.  We may not understand why things happen sometimes, but I promise He knows the beginning from the end and will never abandon you.  We are the ones who pull away because we get scared.  Trust God and you will find the peace and joy you are looking for.

The Journey has Begun :)

As we were walking the other day it was pointed out that the first three items of the motto put God first, others second and yourself third.  Coincidence or planned?  Well it wasn't planned nor do I believe it was coincidence.  My daughter later (and without knowing of our conversation) sent this text:

J - Jesus
O - Others
Y - Yourself

I love it!!!

I really appreciate the comments I have gotten about this journey we are on.  Together we can keep each other on track :)

You Can Do It! :)

There are times when it seems that there is nothing but negativity surrounding us. One minute you can feel on top of the world and the next you are hit with what seems like a million pieces of burning shrapnel directed right at your heart and all joy and hope seem to disappear. 

It has taken more than eleven and a half years of walking an average of about 20 miles a week with a group of dear friends to come up with a formula that can help fight the negative sting and bring joy and hope back despite the challenges all around us. Together we have solved the world's problems time and time again along with cheering each other on through various challenges, heartaches and good times. I wish everyone could have a group as fabulous as mine, but since that is unlikely, I thought it would be important to share some lessons we have learned with whoever is willing to read this blog. The principles that have guided our journey toward joy are spelled out in the motto:

"YOU CAN DO IT! :)" 

Y - yield your will and heart to God

O - opportunities to serve/brighten someone's day

U - understand and accept your own strengths and weaknesses

C - create a trustworthy support system

A - act instead of reacting - resist becoming a martyr or victim

N - nice - just be nice

D - don't forget you can do hard things

O - outside every day for at least a few minutes regardless of the weather

I - inspiration - listen to or read something that inspires you

T - think of/do things that make you smile or laugh

It has been said that we are here on earth to have joy. It took me a long time to believe that, but I know from experience that by following these steps your joy and hope will increase!! 

Let the journey begin :)